JusJoJan: Darkness

As a country girl born and bred who now lives in a big city, I must admit I still feel far more comfortable in the softer country darkness than in the harsher city darkness. In the countryside, darkness seems to be more a natural continuum of muted and greyed shades, moonlit and starlit, shadows and shining surfaces. As your eyes adjust gradually to the gently descending blanket of night, surprisingly you can see your way through the darkness more than you might think. But in the city, darkness somehow feels to me more immediately ominous, as if there is more of a menacing demarcation of danger between areas of artificial lighting and the absolute absence of it…

JusJoJan: Darkness

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JusJoJan: Revolt

Hmmm… I’m not sure what might cause me to rise up and revolt? It would have to be something pretty drastic to make me rock the boat so badly that it risked drawing undue attention to myself. Mind you, apparently Donald Trump doesn’t seem too keen to come to Britain if he’s not guaranteed a hospitable welcome – now that might just be enough of an incentive to encourage me to add my vocal tuppence-worth to any prospective anti-Trump-visit protest… ๐Ÿ™‚

JusJoJan: Revoltย 

JusJoJan: Contemplation

Walking in nature is my favourite way of encouraging contemplation in my soul. Whatever concerns may be troubling me I always feels less frantic after a walk. There’s just something calming about the hypnotic rhythm of putting one foot in front of the other in the fresh air – it facilitates the release of troublesome thoughts in a gentle, fluid flow and allows for a softening and soothing of fractious feelings… โค

JusJoJan: Contemplation

 

JusJoJan: Ultimatum

Hmmm… I’m not really an ultimatum kind of girl, neither giving nor receiving.

In my mind, I either want something enough or I don’t – for me once you start putting conditions on wanting something, it’s telling you you simply don’t want it enough to risk everything to have it just as it is. Or if someone else puts conditions on you, they’re basically saying you’re not good enough for them as you are. Having an open discussion about a shared hope for a relationship improvement is one thing – or even several ongoing discussions moving forward to try to achieve a specific joint aim together – that’s about encouraging potential growth for the future.

But to me giving someone an ultimatum is by design a last-chance power-play moment, a do-this-or-else, passive-aggressive bully-boy turning point, a my-way-or-the-highway final demand, and personally I’d have already decided on my own which way I would be acting, and one way or another would have started moving in that direction long before the point where any ultimatum would need to be issued. Basically, back me into a corner and I’m outa there, no matter what – and if I ever felt I would have to back someone else into a corner to get my own way, that’s telling me I need to cut my losses and walk away instead.

Like Shakesepeare’s sonnet says, ‘Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds’ and looking at it from the opposite end is also true – if love requires change to make it feel acceptable or satisfactory, then it’s coming not from a place of real love but of control, or wishful fantasy… ๐Ÿ™‚

JusJoJan: Ultimatumย 

JusJoJan: Aggravate

I find the erratic changes in temperature between outside and inside during the winter months really aggravates my current trigger-happy tendency towards menopausal hot flushes at every turn. If I wrap up suitably warm to go out I get too hot and I’ll have a hot sweat, but if I don’t dress correctly for the inclement weather I get too cold and start shivering and… yep, you guessed it, still have a hot sweat as my temperature tries unsuccessfully to regulate itself. When oh when is my dodgy bodily thermostat going to start functioning properly again, its illogical idiosyncracies are driving me nuts… ๐Ÿ™‚

JusJoJan: Aggravate

JusJoJan: Humiliate

I don’t like being teased or made fun of, even in jest – I really don’t find it funny at all. Being both fair skinned and fair haired I’ve always been prone to blush at the slightest provocation, then find myself squirming with even more embarrassment as I feel my face burning with shame at my obvious discomfort. And I tend to develop angry red blotches, too, whenever I feel anxious or under stress.

I was verbally bullied at school for a while, and the particular form of bullying was borne of highlighting something – anything – about me that was perceived to be different and nastily making fun of it, turning me into an instant object of ridicule, and then when everyone turned to look at me, the lead bully always encouraged wider participation by laughing and jeering even more and making fun of my excrutiatingly painful humiliation.

As an adult I’ve learned instead to gently make fun of myself for blushing before anyone else comments on my clearly reddening complexion, taking the heat out of the situation (and hopefully my face) and letting the moment pass without too much fuss. Oh, and a neutralising mask of make-up worn in public always helps, too! ๐Ÿ™‚

JusJoJan: Humiliate

JusJoJan: Coffee

colour-in-cup.jpg

Only a tentative link to the prompt word for today’s Jot – yesterday my husband saw this ceramic mug complete with colouring-in pens so bought it for me, as he knows I love colouring-in. Basically you colour it in however you please, then ‘fire’ it in the oven at a set temperature to set the ink, and you have a personally decorated mug from which to drink your tea or coffee. There are only four pens provided – red, yellow, green and blue – but they are double-pointed with a thick end and a thin end and I’m really looking forward to making a start ๐Ÿ™‚

JusJoJan: Coffee

JusJoJan: Pants

My underwear drawer is full of functional underwear only – nothing lacy or fancy (aka itchy or scratchy), nothing remotely sexy or sensational. I like cotton jersey high-leg briefs (generally bought in a multi-pack from Marks and Spencer) in a multitude of plain colours – checking the relevant drawer today I find mainly black, white, grey, purple, and blue. Boring perhaps, but wonderfully comfortable to wear ๐Ÿ™‚

JusJoJan: Pants

JusJoJan: Indelible

I have absolutely no idea what I might have had in mind a few weeks ago when I suggested ‘indelible’ as today’s Just Jot it January prompt word.

All I can say in my defence is it seemed like a lovely word at the time – perhaps I was watching something on TV, or listening to something, or reading something that inspired me to think ‘indelible’.

Today, however, I find I have absolutely nothing at all to say on the subject… how embarrassing… failed by my own prompt word… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

JusJoJan: Indelible